Saturday, June 19, 2010

acceptance and compromising in relationship.

My friend wanted me to give him some relationship advice, because he and his girlfriend had several fights and his girlfriend asked for some time off over lunch. He told me they fought over littlest thing. One thing they fight the most is about her interactions with her guy friends. He kick her out of his house and hang up her call during fights. He asked me what should he do? If he should give her time to think about what she wants? If he should compromise? Or if he should accept it and work towards changing it later which he called it acceptance to compromise.   At least he was honest. Many people in relationship, especially at the beginning of a relationship, would "accept" the other person as it is, but unconsciously they were thinking about "compromising" the other person later on.   

What is acceptance? Acceptance is when a person agrees to experience a situation, to follow a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change it. (from Wikipedia)
What is to compromise? To compromise is to make a deal where someone gives up part of, or all of its demand. In arguments, compromise is a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desire. (from Wikipedia)

Interestingly, both words do not involve changing the other person.  However, most people in relationship really was thinking of changing the other person yet they call it acceptance or compromising.


  1. A reader has some hard feelings during dinner with his girl friend`s family :


    My mind keep flashing the pix of she and her ex w/ her family...

    She did not intend to take any pix of me & herself or w/ her family at all during all these gatherings...

    I dun feel gd at all though.

    Can u tell me wt happen?

    From Reader

  2. Dear Reader,

    Obviously you are having a lot of issues with her ex, this is just one of those. Sounds to me like you are comparing yourself with him? My advise, take one thing at a time, and a day at a time. You can`t expect recovering from all the damage from one conversation.